I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
