Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
