Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
