So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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