i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
