i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
