You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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