Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
