He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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