I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
