There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
