She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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