I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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