Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
