No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
