brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He passed out mid-signature
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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