There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
