Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
