remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
