I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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