"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
