Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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