he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
