I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My ATM looks so different sober.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
