you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
