your room smells of hookers.
And success
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
