I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
