We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
