we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
