So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
