MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
