Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
