I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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