I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
