Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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