Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
