there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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