So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
