I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
