What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
