That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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