Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
