OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
