His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
