are you still at the devil's house?
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
