i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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