id be glad to
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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