I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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