i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
