I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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