Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
