Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
wow bdsm is so cute
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